A Man Isn't a Man, Without Courage

When I read wisdom or philosophy, I opt for the ancients.

Their values have stood time’s test. Their thinking was clearer, realer, less clouded by how they think the world ought to be, and more rooted in how it is.

If you go back, way back, to how ancients saw values and virtues, even how they saw what a man ought to be, and the values he ought to prize, you see that courage is paramount. It’s right there at the top, even a part of the definition of what a man is.

Today’s culture focuses on outcomes, no matter how you get them or who you are in acquiring them. It’s about show. It’s frivolous and empty. 

The lines between truth and reality have been blurred so much that we’ve forgotten the most important things in life, and the base values of who a man ought to be.

But, in reality, in truth, they haven’t changed one bit.

Courage

Aristotle called courage andreia — literally, the virtue of a man. He placed it at the center of the good life. Not talent. Not intelligence. Not outcomes. Not what a man has to show. Just courage.

Aristotle didn't define courage as the absence of fear. He defined it as the correct response to fear. Acting rightly, in spite of fear, at the right moment, for the right reasons.

This matters because most men are waiting to feel ready. To feel fearless. Aristotle would tell you that day is never coming, and that's the point.

The coward feels fear and retreats, he shrinks, he hides, he wishes things were different even though courage is the only thing that will make them different. The reckless man feels nothing at all. The courageous man feels it, names it, and walks forward anyway.

Practice

The Stoic philosopher Seneca lost almost everything twice. Exiled. Recalled. Accused. Sentenced to death by Nero, who had been his own student since he was a child.

He faced the end of his life with a composure that disturbed witnesses.

What had prepared him? A lifetime of reminding himself that time was not guaranteed and that delay was its own kind of cowardice.

"It is not that I'm brave. It is that I have practiced."

Every day you wait to become the man you know you should be, you are practicing the opposite of courage. You are practicing retreat. And retreat, done enough times, becomes character. It becomes who you are, and you do not want to be the man who is not prepared.

The Stoics believed virtue wasn't an event. It was a habit. Which means courage wasn't something you found in a crisis, it was something you either built or neglected before the crisis ever came.

The courage nobody sees

Most people picture courage as dramatic. It's the charge up the hill or the man who stands between his family and a bad guy and defends them.

Marcus Aurelius had a different understanding.

As Emperor of Rome, he faced plagues, wars, betrayal, and the constant temptation of absolute power. His Meditations - written as private notes to himself, never intended for publication - reveal a man who fought his battles mostly in silence, in the hours before dawn, in the discipline of his own mind.

"You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."

He didn't say you will find ease. He said strength.

Aurelius practiced what the Stoics called premeditatio malorum — the premeditation of difficulties. Before each day, he anticipated what would go wrong, what would frustrate him, what would test him. Not to become pessimistic, but to remove the shock.

A man who expects difficulty cannot be ambushed by it. He's at peace with it. A man who has faced the worst-case scenario in his mind cannot be paralyzed by it in the moment.

This is a form of courage most men never develop: the courage to look clearly at hard things before they arrive.

This is far different than rumination. Rumination crushes us, constantly replaying the worst-case over and over until it’s all we think about. This is not good.

Positivity is necessary, but ignorance of reality, isn’t.

Come to terms with bad scenarios, but don’t replay them. Accept them. Be at peace with them. Accept that you can and will face them, and move forward anyway.

The meaning of virtue

I read a book about Cicero years ago. What was interesting is how the Romans saw what a man was, and what virtue was. They were literally the same thing. Inseparable. 

The Roman statesman and philosopher wrote that the Romans considered virtus - courage - to be the foundational virtue from which all others grew. Not kindness. Not wisdom. Not wealth. Courage first. 

The Latin word virtus itself comes from vir, meaning man. To be a man, in the Roman mind, was to be courageous by definition. The two were inseparable.

This wasn't left to chance, either. It wasn't as if they saw a man as courageous and expected him to act in this way, they understood that it had to be trained, developed.

Roman boys were trained in courage the way modern kids are trained in reading. 

They watched men endure pain without flinching. They were taken to the arena, to the forum, to war, not to be entertained, but to be formed. 

The Romans believed that if you exposed a boy to enough hardship, enough test, enough demand, and surrounded him with men who met those tests with dignity, courage would take root. 

They called it disciplina. Discipline as a way of life, not a punishment. The goal was simple: produce men who could be counted on when everything was on the line. Men the republic could stake its survival on. Rome didn't just hope its sons would be brave. It built them to be.

Courage & Leadership

I’m reading a book on Vanderbilt, and a part stuck out when referencing a situation where a man was willing to die at his job… his job?! And he did it to honor Vanderbilt, to be seen as worthy in his eyes.

It speaks to the culture of the time, but also the man, the leader.

“It was not because he was generous or kind, but because he was a man of genuine prowess. No one, they knew, understood steamships better; no one, they knew, was more willing to face personal danger; no one, they knew, was truer to his word. Vanderbilt was many things, not all of them admirable, but he was never a phony. Hated, revered, resented, he always commanded respect, even from his enemies.”

He wasn't softened by success, ever. It was courage that got him to where he was. It was a part of who he was, and not something he could just discard because things were going well.

We can take what we like, and discard what we don’t.

I won’t be a prick, it’s not in my nature, nor my values. I won’t be a Scrooge, either, unless you’re talking about the part later in the film, after he’s been visited by the ghosts and he realises that he’s been an idiot for most of his life.

What we can take, however, is that respect is earned, and it’s earned through becoming the best at what we do, which comes from intense learning, trial and error, time, and effort.

And, courage. Every man is a leader, and leaders need courage. 

We have to somehow enjoy danger and risk. 

We can’t shrink when things get tough, when things are dangerous.

Courage isn’t not feeling fear or worry, it’s acting in spite of it. It’s not shrinking because of stress, it’s conquering stress, it’s moving toward what worries us.

It’s so utterly necessary for men to have courage. It’s what living well requires. It’s what being the head of a household demands.

Whatever struggles you face, take courage. Don’t let fear grip you. Don’t let worry consume you. Face challenges head on, with aggression, with confidence, without doubt.

As a baseline, men need courage.

How to Take Courage

It’s one thing to want courage, to want to be courageous, but it’s another thing to feel it, and yet another thing to actually do it.

On one level, you do it anyway. You do the work, you face the challenges, you take action.

On another level, you don’t torment yourself. You don’t ruminate. You don’t constantly replay possible negative outcomes. You don’t replay your fears in your mind. You don’t worry.

You just don’t.

If you’re at all religious, the Bible says the term, take courage, 14 times. 

You have to take it, and make it yours.

You don’t get crushed by the weight of the world that you carry on your shoulders. You don’t shrink because life is difficult. You are a courageous man. You are a man.

And, if the Romans got anything right, it’s seeing a man - not a mere male - as courageous, being that they are one in the same. You cannot have courage and not be a man, just as you cannot not have courage and call yourself a man.

Again, courage isn’t a one-time thing, a moment, an event where you rise to the occasion. It’s a daily practice.

It’s who you are.

Life is brutal. There’s bills to pay, uncertainty in how you’ll pay them. Your favorite people will die. Life can squeeze you to the brink. But, you will face this all with courage, in the face of reality and danger, facing fear and worry, facing uncertainty, the unknown.