What Not To Do. Who Not To Be. How Not To Think.

I'm sitting on my deck with a cigar and my laptop with a bulldog scrunchy look on my face because of how the day's gone.

I woke up at 3, got 4 hours of work done, and then the interruptions started. I work from home. I have a newborn son. What the heck did I think was going to happen?

The reality is, my grumpiness is unwarranted. My mood is more because of a bad sleep and my own poor performance in work today than it is about any interruption.

I am not doing what I should do, not being who I should be, and not thinking how I ought to think.

Nassim Taleb calls it via negativa, while Munger calls it inversion. The concepts are similar. Essentially arriving to a positive conclusion or outcome via simply not doing the the negative.

For example, getting rich simply by not doing the things that keep people not rich. Or getting jacked by doing the opposite of what a fat fella does. Or, flip it, and avoid poverty by not doing things that make people go poor, or avoid obesity by not doing things that make people obese.

In life, we have many of these, in many different areas, and as my grumpy, scrunched, bulldog face turns into a happy, realizing-I've-been-an-idiot grin, I may as well highlight some good ones.

The goal: to either clarify some wrong-thinking or to reaffirm some correct thinking. Sometimes we just need reminders. Sometimes we need a complete about-face. 

Don't be in a bad mood.

Mood, whether we'd like to admit it or not, is something we control. We can't control every event that happens in our lives, but we can control how we react to them.

Being interrupted all day isn't ideal, sure, but I don't have to react like a pussy to those interruptions and start pouting. 

Never get in a bad mood, ever. Get angry if it's warranted, because anger is acute and pointed typically at an injustice, but grumpiness is chronic and pointed at everything.

It's a pity mindset, a poor me outlook, and it will ruin a day, a relationship, everything.

Don't ever pity yourself in any way shape or form.

Poor me leads to poor you. It's completely self-fulfilling. You pity yourself, and you find reasons to pity yourself more. You never, ever see the brighter side. You'll never see the positive. You'll never realize how wonderful your life really is.

It doesn't benefit you in any way to be a victim. 

It does benefit you to be courageous, strong, formidable. 

Don't handicap yourself in life by choosing victimhood. You'll just end up being a miserable victim who has no control over anything in his life.

Your happiness will be held in the hands of others, as will your success, freedom, peace, meaning, joy, pride, and so on.

Fight this with awareness. Always question whether or not you're pitying yourself with the line of thinking you're taking internally. 

Me getting grumpy because I was getting interrupted and not getting enough work done, that's pity. Man up. Use all of the time you have in the rest of the day and win it.

Never, ever compare what you have to what someone else has.

I'm talking both the positive and negative. Forget comparison completely.

Don't make yourself feel better by looking at someone who has it worse and think, at least I'm not that poor bastard.

I mean, there's no benefit in building yourself up by looking at how shitty someone else has it, because deep down they may have it much better than you do, they just lack what you're focused on.

And, someone who has what you're focused on may have it worse than you, but they have what you're focused on.

Success in life, is such a personal and nuanced thing. Actually, no it isn't. That's incorrect. We make it a personal and nuanced thing. We make it such by focusing on what we desire. Even on what we have.

The truth is, success in life is dependent on nothing. There is nothing we need that determines our happiness. Happiness - or joy - which is an arbiter of success in life, cannot depend on attachments of any kind, even good attachments like family, friends, security, health.

We think wealth brings happiness, but that's clearly a lie, many an unhappy rich fella there is. Many an unhappy man with a great family. Many a happy man with nothing. That is, it all doesn't matter.

All you're left with is a timeline, some good, some bad, and what to do in this time.

Choose what you value wisely. 

Value work, I do. Just don't value the outcomes of the work.

Value family, I do. Just don't value how everything turns out, value time with them, value struggles with them, value them.

The tripe, comparison is the thief of joy is true. I write all of this just to illustrate that we're not comparing what we think we're comparing. So comparing anything in any way shape or form is missing the mark completely.

When we compare possessions, we think we're comparing happiness, but we're not.

When we compare family, we think we're comparing meaning, but we're not.

When we compare outcomes, we think we're comparing satisfaction, but we're not.

None of the things, outcomes, end-games are the point. The process is the point. 

Don't doubt your ability to do something you've set out to do.

Doubt dissuades work. A desired outcome requires good decision-making and action. Self-doubt leads to bad decision-making and inaction. Don't do it. 

And, it is a choice. We can choose faith. We can choose to believe we can do whatever we set out minds to. We can choose to know that an outcome we want is certain in the future, it's waiting for us, we just have to bring it closer every single day by making good decisions and backing it up with work.

But, what's the point of doing the work if you don't think you're able to achieve what you're setting out to do? There is none.

That's why those who believe they can do anything typically end up doing things, achieving things, even if they don't hit their ultimate goal, they hit what would be the ultimate goal for many, many others.

So, choose belief.

Don't chase things you don't really want.

You can achieve a great goal, but realize you don't even want it.

You can pour decades into working toward something that ends up making your life worse.

Find clarity. Be aware of what actually matters to you. If it really matters to you, let nothing stop you in getting it, so long as it's actually something within your control.

Don't be cheap.

Be frugal. Be discerning with what you spend money on. But don't be cheap.

Generosity is good for you. It feels good. It's meant to feel good. It's best if it's never reciprocated, or at least never expected to be so.

I'll make sure my son isn't cheap.

Don't be a pussy.

Before you either get up in arms or scream hoorah, I have a different take on this.

My son comes to mind with this. There's really one thing you want your son not to be, and that is soft.

As a dad, I'll praise effort, resilience, perseverance, not quitting. I won't praise outcomes. I won't praise talent. 

Around every corner in life, it seems, there's an obstacle. We come up against them internally, most often, they're always in our minds. But we come up with them in life. There are markets, things out of our control, there are other humans, many good, many idiots.

There's catastrophe, chaos, loss, failure, pain, and struggle. Just as there's beauty, hope, happiness, and the simple fact that we're breathing today - maybe not tomorrow.

You just don't want to be someone who gives up. You don't want to be a quitter. You don't want to constantly pivot when things get difficult. 

That isn't to say you always struggle. Sometimes luck lands in your lap, but most often it's because you kept throwing darts at the board, one eventually hit the bullseye.

This, too, is a choice. 

You do not have to be soft. You do not have to be a quitter. You do not have to always take the easy way. You can choose the good, just, and right way. You can choose to be just and honest even when it's not beneficial.

This is how to be a man, it's foundational. 

When we say 'man up', that's essentially what we're talking about. And I love that call to action. It's one of self-reliance, stoicism, honesty, courage, and grit.

These are such admirable and fleeting qualities that it's a breath of fresh air when we come across someone who has them.

Be one of these guys.

It may not make your life easier, per se, but it will make you better, and your life better for having existed.

Other 'don'ts' that don't really apply to you.

Don't be lazy - laziness stems from something else, a lack of belief, clarity in what you want, and so on. If you're genuinely a lazy person, at least be a lazy person that's cunning, that finds shortcuts, and can create results easier than most -- this can apply to many things in life, just not to health.

Important Note: All of these are also reminders to myself. I need to hear this shit. So, I figure another fella out there may need to hear it, too.